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💑 Relationships
Is my relationship healthy?
The Gottman method predicts divorce with 94% accuracy.
Rate how often each occurs in your relationship: 1 (never) to 5 (very often).
1My partner criticizes my personality, not just my behavior.
2We can discuss disagreements without yelling or name-calling.
3My partner shows contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm, mockery).
4We make time for each other regularly.
5One of us shuts down and refuses to talk during conflict (stonewalling).
6I feel safe expressing my needs and feelings.
7My partner gets defensive instead of listening when I raise concerns.
8We support each other's goals and interests.
9I feel more drained than energized after spending time with my partner.
10We laugh together often.
Gottman's relationship science
Based on John Gottman's 40+ years of research. He can predict divorce with 94% accuracy by observing 15 minutes of couple interaction.
The Four Horsemen (items 1, 3, 5, 7)
- Criticism: Attacking character, not behavior. "You never..." "You always..."
- Contempt: Mockery, eye-rolling, sarcasm — the #1 predictor of divorce
- Defensiveness: Meeting complaints with counter-attacks instead of listening
- Stonewalling: Shutting down, silent treatment, emotional withdrawal
What healthy looks like
- 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions
- Couples who turn toward each other's bids for connection stay together
- Conflict is normal — 69% of couple problems are perpetual and unsolvable
Sources: Gottman & Silver (1999, The Seven Principles), Gottman Institute research.