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💬 Communication
What is your communication style?
Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive or Assertive?
Rate how often each describes you: 1 (never) to 5 (always).
1I avoid expressing my opinions to prevent conflict.
2I dominate conversations and interrupt others to make my point.
3I express sarcasm or give backhanded compliments when I'm frustrated.
4I state my needs clearly while respecting the other person's perspective.
5I say "yes" when I mean "no" to avoid disappointing people.
6I raise my voice or use intimidation to get what I want.
7I agree in person but complain to others behind their back.
8I can say "no" without feeling guilty.
9I feel unheard or invisible in group conversations.
10I use "I" statements and express feelings without blaming.
The 4 communication styles
Communication style research (Alberti & Emmons 1970, Murphy & Dillon 2003) identifies 4 patterns. Most people think they're assertive — data says 60% are actually passive.
The 4 styles
- Passive (items 1, 5, 9): Avoids expressing needs. "Your needs matter, mine don't." ~40-60% of people.
- Aggressive (items 2, 6): Dominates and intimidates. "My needs matter, yours don't." ~10-15% of people.
- Passive-Aggressive (items 3, 7): Indirect resistance. "I'll agree then sabotage." ~15-20% of people.
- Assertive (items 4, 8, 10): Direct and respectful. "Both our needs matter." ~20-25% of people.
Research
- Assertiveness is the most effective style — linked to better relationships, career outcomes, and mental health
- Passive communication leads to resentment buildup and eventual explosions
- Assertiveness is a learnable skill — not a personality trait (Rakos 1991)
- Women are socialized toward passive communication; men toward aggressive (Crawford 1995)
Sources: Alberti & Emmons (1970, Your Perfect Right), Rakos (1991, assertiveness training), Murphy & Dillon (2003).