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🎯 Self-Regulation
What is your anger style?
Exploder, Stuffer or Passive-Aggressor?
Rate how often each describes you: 1 (never) to 5 (always).
1I raise my voice, slam doors, or express anger physically.
2I swallow my anger and pretend everything is fine.
3I use sarcasm, silent treatment, or subtle jabs instead of saying what's wrong.
4I confront issues directly and express anger calmly.
5I say things in anger that I regret later.
6I bottle up frustration until I eventually explode.
7I "forget" to do things or show up late when I'm angry at someone.
8I can express disagreement without raising my voice or getting personal.
9I hold grudges and replay conflicts in my mind.
10I complain to others about someone rather than addressing them directly.
The 4 anger expression styles
Based on Spielberger's State-Trait Anger Expression Inventory (STAXI) and anger management research.
The 4 styles
- Explosive (items 1, 5): Anger out. Loud, immediate, often regretted. 10-15% of people.
- Suppressive (items 2, 6, 9): Anger in. Swallowed until it erupts. Most common. Linked to health problems.
- Passive-Aggressive (items 3, 7, 10): Indirect anger. Sarcasm, sabotage, silent treatment.
- Assertive (items 4, 8): Healthy expression. Direct, calm, respectful. Only ~20% of people.
Anger research
- Suppressed anger increases heart disease risk by 75% (Harburg et al. 2003)
- Passive-aggression is the most damaging to relationships (Gottman 1994)
- "Venting" anger actually increases aggression, not decreases it (Bushman 2002)
- Only 20% of people express anger assertively — it's a trainable skill
Sources: Spielberger (1999, STAXI), Harburg et al. (2003, suppression), Bushman (2002, catharsis myth), Gottman (1994).